As you know, I’ve been on the dating site ‘plenty of fish’ for about 7 weeks now, I’ve been doing quite well from it, receiving messages, only a couple of which have been immediately suggestive. I’ve met a few men from the site and have had a nice time getting to know them. 

By the third date, the atmosphere seems to change and there is an expectation of intimacy. Some are quite open about this from the off on their profiles, I saw one profile that said:

1st date: drinks 

2nd date: something fun like ice skating or bowling

3rd date: let me introduce you to my Mr Grey side, weekend away! 

Is this the standard then?!

I had realised this so when I was on a second date with one man, I told him that third date is not sex date, that to me sex means a bit more than just a casual affair with no emotional investment or connection. He was fine with it, said that he wouldn’t be interested in me if I was the kind of girl that would sleep with him so early on. I was delighted. I was also very trusting. 

For our third date, I invited to him round to watch a DVD. I know what you’re thinking….silly girl, she should have known better! Hmmmm 🤔

I’ve got kids so can’t always get a babysitter to get out easily and I wanted to see him. He had charmed me, sending me lovely messages, calling me beautiful. He made me feel good about myself. He arrived and I put on the DVD, I’d picked a romantic comedy called “man up” with Simon Pegg in it, I’d bought pop corn! He said “you don’t really expect to watch the film do you?”, erm, yes, actually, I do! 

Anyway long story short, he got a bit hot and heavy so I reminded him of our chat about third date not being sex date, he left.

So now, I have the ‘third date is not sex date’ chat on the first date. Better to be open about it from the start. I believe people are too shy when it comes to talking about sex. If we don’t know our partners expectations and standards from the off we can get ourselves into situations we may not know how to get out of. I was lucky with that man, that he just left my home without causing me any harm. Other than a bruised ego.

Not only that but as women, we need to show ourselves some respect. We are pretty remarkable after all. If casual sex is what you’re looking for then fine, I’m not judging, it’s just not me. Men need things spelling out sometimes, whatever way you choose. 

I came across this that was a good reminder to me that my body is actually MY body, and therefore pretty special to me 🙅🏼