About a month ago I was chatting to my newly and smugly married friend about my new relationship. I was relaying how I was finding it difficult to figure out how he was feeling, if he was all that into me etc and she was saying that the first couple of months are awful as both parties are unsure, feelings might be developing for one and not the other, how it can all come to an unexpected end very quickly. 

Well, a month on and I’m chatting to my smugly married sister in law (clearly, her husband is ace…he’s related to me!), when she asks “how’s things going with your man?”.

Excellent question. 

I’m still unsure! 

I told her that he’ll probably be getting bored of me and will dump me soon. This may sound very self deprecating but I feel like I have to prepare myself for this, because I’m still so unsure of things. I don’t know how long this early day confusion should last and it’s sending me a little bit mad. 

My sister in law was very kind and reassured me of what a catch I am, how a man with kids would find it very difficult to find a partner quite so  understanding as my good self. How she’s sure he’s secretly smitten with me. 

The problem I have is this…if he is smitten with me he’s hiding it very well. I don’t know how soon is too soon to expect some sort of emotional declaration  from him. When I had been speaking to my smugly married friend a few weeks before she had told me to “hide the crazy”! As in, don’t go in there asking him all sorts of questions that may scare him off, to act cool about things, to not expect too much too soon. 

The problem is I do expect things. I want someone to commit and to love me. I want to know sooner rather than later if that’s not happening so I can move on and find someone who wants the same things as I do. I also want someone who can be open about his emotions. 

So it seems I have some decisions to make. 

Do I continue to “hide the crazy” and not mention how I’m feeling and ask him what he’s thinking?

Do I just take it for what it is, someone whose company I enjoy, who seems to enjoy mine and we continue to ‘date’?

Or, do I grow some balls and ask him what he’s feeling, risk scaring him away but at the same time be able to put my mind at ease, and move forward, either with or without him?

Where’s that horseback ride into the sunset when you need it?! 

😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩