It was about September last year that I found out my ex husband was marrying the woman he left me for. My 7 year old dropped it into conversation when driving home from school as she thought I should know my eldest had cried about it. Turns out my seven year old is more emotionally aware than her father. No surprise there.

I’ve never had a conversation with my ex about it. He never told me it was happening. He simply didn’t have the balls to say the words out loud to my face. He told me via text when he asked to have the kids that day. Even then he tried to avoid telling me why he wanted the kids that day. I had to wheedle it out of him.

The wedding was a week ago.

Turns out he’d been telling the kids that I must be devastated he’s getting married again. That I was making things awkward for him. Anyone that knows me knows he’s wrong on both points there.

Yes I found the thought of the day hard and I’m glad it’s over. Not because I’m not over him (I am) or because I’m jealous (she can have him), but because my babies were having a special day in their lives without me. They were getting dressed up. My son in a 3 piece suit and my daughter in a dress. They were posing for family pictures with someone else looking like their Mummy. I’m their Mummy.

That’s what’s hard.

It’s one day and they’ve spoken about it and said it was a nice day and overall, don’t seem too bothered.

Jealous seems like the wrong word to use but there is a part of me that is jealous. Not of her for having him; I wish her luck. I just always thought I’d get there first. Find my happily ever after. Provide my kids with a stable family unit. I didn’t think the affair would last and they’d get married. Although I’m pleased it has. I’m pleased it was worth it.

Seems a bit weird to have 2 Mrs B’s around so I think I’ll change my name back to my maiden name; I only kept his name for the kids anyway.

I’ve never thought that our divorce was a mistake. It was a relief. The only mistake was our marriage in the first place. I hope for the sake of the children already involved, and any more that come along, that second time round really is second time lucky x