I’ve been to two wedding receptions in a week. I’ve had a lovely time. I put aside all the thoughts I have about really quite fancying getting married again one day and I see it for what it is; a free party!

The first wedding reception I attended this week was a wedding of strangers. I went as my brothers plus one. He’d been there all day as best man. As I walked in I was quite nervous, not knowing anyone except my brother. Straight away I was made to feel welcome. These were genuinely and quite surprisingly the nicest people I have ever met. I loved it. I ate sweets, I danced, I had a few too many slices of wedding cake. It was a joyous celebration of love and family.

Six days later I’m heading to a friends wedding. We met at work. I got the job she applied for (she was already a volunteer there) but despite feeling guilty about that when I found out, she says she’s happy. She’s happy because she got me as a friend. Again I only knew a few other guests; colleagues from work. I walked in there alone, I happen to think that takes some balls. Again I ate sweets, I danced, I had a few too many slices of wedding cake.

But despite the consequential increased waist line, I felt fabulous.

At both weddings I spoke to people I’d never met, I loved it.

During my marriage I lost a part of me. The social butterfly that I was at university slowly faded away. I hadn’t wanted to embarrass my husband by chatting to people neither of us knew. I laughed too loud, my laugh is weird. I always had to carry him socially, it was hard work. I saw less of my friends. A natural consequence of having babies but also a consequence of being married to him. I know now that my friends weren’t all that keen on him. One of them even gave me an out on my wedding day; she told me I didn’t have to do it. I laughed at the time. Convinced my self she was joking. Then I faded away from our friendship and also many others.

My parents are sociable people. They are highly involved in church and organise various social events, family activities and even performance opportunities. As a child I did all of those things and I truly believe they shaped me to be me. Chatty, dancing, smiling (despite how I might be feeling) me. Quite often the only sober person on the dance floor.

I’m grateful to them for that.

I’m grateful to my ex husband for leaving so that I could be me again.

I’m grateful for the opportunity I now have to do what I want when I want (if a babysitter is available).

I’m grateful for music and dancing and friends and kindness and the love that people share at a wedding.